Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
