The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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