He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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