I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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