getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
