I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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