Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
