he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
