i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize