Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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