I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
