i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
