I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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