You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize