I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize