I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
