Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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