I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
