Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
