Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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