my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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