Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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