You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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