Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
