I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
