ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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