singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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