He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
