You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
