finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
