i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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