I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
