We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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