hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's a Shit stain on my heart
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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