3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So apparently I’m into choking now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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