There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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