Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
