I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
