hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
