I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
