i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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