there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
