I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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