when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
