Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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