Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
