where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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