her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
