party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
