Grow some girl-balls and come out already
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
