A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just puked most of my soul out..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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