I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Your dad touched me again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
