the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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