I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
