i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
