I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
