I hate all girls vehemently.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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