he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
