no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize