Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
