It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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