tell your sister to shave her snatch
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
