Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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