Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
