I'm lost and stupid without you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
