matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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