You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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