Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
