Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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